


differences

by qanterqueen



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, its new years eve and Lucretia Is Sad and im Projecting, post story and song, spoilers then, the other ipre guys are mentioned slightly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 03:41:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13227363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qanterqueen/pseuds/qanterqueen
Summary: Lucretia spends her first New Year's Eve alone and in the dark.





	differences

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 2018! No one asked for this but i was sad so here you guys go!

Lucretia had been alone for so long that she had forgotten what day it was. 

Well… she didn’t forget it _completely_. She knew it was coming around the corner at _some point_ , just not this quickly. She didn’t notice what day it was until the city became dark and a colored explosion filled the sky, jolting her from a book.

Another firework crackled outside of her window, an hour later than the first one. She stared down her glass of champagne and watched the golden liquid inside of it shake.

Lucretia knew that somewhere the rest of the IPRE was celebrating the new year. They were all gathered at Merle’s beach house, grilling food and singing songs around a campfire and drinking. She knew because of the letter that sat on top of her desk, serving as a coaster for her drink.

They had all started a tradition many years ago, during their adventures on the Starblaster, to hold a party in celebration of the passing year. It would have the typical elements of every New Year’s party, plus what Taako called a “roast session”. Towards the end of the night they’d sit and nestle by the fire and talk about the year-- what had gone bad, what had gone right, what sucked and what was absolutely amazing.

Likely they were doing that tonight. 

It would be the first New Years’ that Lucretia didn’t attend. She told Merle that she had plans. He didn’t press, just looked at her with those sad eyes. It was his way to let her know that he _knew_  whatever she had hidden-- it had always been his way, from day one. It was a little avoidant on his part-- he never was one to talk about his or other people’s feelings-- but somehow it always got the message across. With that look, he didn’t _need_  to get into a conversation with the person. Normally it just _worked_ , and the person opened up (to somebody, at least).

It didn’t work this time. He gave her that look and she pretended not to see.

She pretended like she wasn’t too bothered by it, and that New Year’s wasn’t that big of a deal. 

“Is this better?” Lucretia whispered to herself, looking out the window and to the cold outside. 

Of course it wasn’t.  

She missed them so badly. She missed having fun and dancing with her friends-- no, her _family_ \-- and drinking and singing songs by a fire.What was worse is that she knew this wasn’t a _canceled party_  case. It was still happening, just… without her.

As if she never existed.

(And, in this moment, she didn’t want to.)

Carey and Killian were at Carey’s parent’s house. Avi was with his boyfriend, out on the town and drinking most likely. Angus was at the party.

And… and that was her list of friends.

Lucretia pulled her knees up to her chest, leaning into the side of her couch. The room was dark, and she didn’t _mean_  to make it dark. It just fell around her as she sat staring outside of her window, and it wasn’t as if she was about to get up and _do_  something about it.

She wondered, just vaguely, how old she’d be that year.

Who would come to her…

No. No, she wouldn’t have a party. Not even posed as Madame Director.

And she didn’t want to know who would come or who wouldn’t. She could take a fair guess and she didn’t want to be right.

Another firework sounded outside of her apartment and she took a sip of her champagne. It tasted _terrible_.

She just wanted to be where she used to belong-- where she was _happy_ , and where she had a _family_  that loved her. But that was all gone. She messed it up and now she has to sit in the dark and pay for it.

She wondered if they were having a good time. If Magnus sang that one song that _everyone_  hated except for Davenport. If Merle did a speech about how blessed the gods made them during the previous year, and if Lup teared up at it because she would, at this point, already be drunk.

Lucretia wondered if they saved her a seat. If they even expected her to come-- or, by extension, if they _wanted_  her to come. Did Lup wear her long shawl, ready to cover Lucretia and Taako on opposite sides of her when the night got cold? Did Magnus bring red wine, because he knew she preferred it over champagne but couldn’t ever be bothered to buy it herself?

Probably not.

They probably expected her to stay at her apartment, wallowing in self-pity. They probably sneered at her incompetence and her continuous revulsion at herself. They were probably _tired_  of her and how exhausting her hatred was.

It had been a year. It was her first New Year’s _not_  being the Director. 

Just for this one night she selfishly missed that role.

Her family had been small, but it was bigger than nothing. She had been lonely, but she had been _distracted_. Those around her didn’t _know_  her, not really, but they were still _there_.

Now she had nobody and nothing, and it was _her fault_. She could have been naive and taken the invitation and gone, but she didn’t. She knew it wasn’t what _they_  wanted, and… and she owed them that much. 

So Lucretia stayed at her apartment for her first New Year’s Eve back. 

She watched the fireworks, she sipped horrible champagne, and she cried until she fell asleep while somewhere a fire blazed and a family had an extra empty gap between its members.


End file.
